Emoticonal Quotient

13 Mar

Everybody’s favorite Bartender Bhai Sayesha comes up with the best diversions. Her latest hit is the emoticon pictionary game, where one uses Emoji emoticons to communicate hindi song titles. She’s already done two rounds of it here and here which, omg, it’s so much fun and you should totally try! Also you should subscribe to her blog, because you are probably the last person on earth not to be reading it already.

Anyway. It turns out emoticonning is contagious. I made my own quiz!

Answers will be posted on Friday in the comments. Let the guessing begin!

Got Your Niche

12 Mar

After very many years of blogging a wide variety of subjects ironically under the name “Nandini’s Niche”, over the past couple of years I’ve transitioned somewhat organically into blogging mostly about motherhood and feminism and the intersections of the two. Found my niche, apparently. Goodbye, irony.

I think I’ve said this before, but it bears repeating: pregnancy made me a feminist, and motherhood cemented that identity. Never before had biology and gender politics collided so decisively and expensively for me.

Not that my life has ever been apolitical. It’s a huge part of being a girl and a woman to need to fight freedoms small and big automatically granted to regular people (men). That has a way of raising one’s consciousness to the larger systems of oppression at work.

But when it comes to pregnancy, childbirth, breastfeeding, and childcare, every day and every decision has been a revelation in the sheer might and pervasiveness of these systems. That’s what’s made me this monomaniacal feminist you see before you today.

Unfortunately, my blog didn’t record much of the conversion process. If Neo had had a blog, I think his readers would be in much the same place you guys are now. One day he’s blogging about how low his Vitamin D count has gotten, and then suddenly a couple of months hiatus and he’s back to talk about some Matrix that’s all around us? What? Did he join a cult? What happened inbetween? We have no idea because we missed the whole movie. Between the red pill-blue-pill and running from Agent Smith and kissing Trinity, Neo didn’t quite get a chance to update his blog…

Well, Neo’s gonna fix that. I mean, I am. You’re gonna see the movie. I’ve begun this before and given up because of time pressures but this time I’ve already got the whole thing written (hah) and scheduled to be posted every week. It’s a series of feminism 101 posts, part memoir and part manual, a story of what brought me to this place.

I’m doing this in honor of Tejaswee Rao and the Indian Homemaker blog. See, while I was on vacation last week, the community over at IHM decided to award me a big cash prize for an old post. Yup. I won AGAIN. I’m just as flabbergasted as you are. O.O But I am celebrating more than you are. Flabbergastedly celebrating.

Also furiously editing the posts I’ve written.

Watch this space.

Kids Update

21 Feb

In spite of many good intentions and several actual half written posts, blogging has had to wait till right now because my life is like this, except TIMES TWO.

But to make up for it, I have a totally adorable kids-post. Aww yeah.

Nupur turned 7 months old just a couple of weeks ago. She’s such a proper baby now: big enough with lots of head control so people can hold her without freaking out, still completely toothless so her smiles are sooo freakin adorable, squishy and fluffy and silly and really, at peak cuteness overall (going by Angad’s old photos the cutest age is from 7 to about 10 months).

She has just begun to move around, dragging herself along with sheer elbow power, very fond of getting under chairs and tables. She’s not very fast, because she doesn’t have good technique. Angad was better at this dragging business. Nupur keeps trying to do a proper crawl, lifting her butt up with every stroke of her elbow and collapsing because she hasn’t figured out how to use her knees yet. It’s like watching a slug flop around piteously. I have no idea how she still manages to get where she wants to go.

And she’s so different from Angad! It’s fascinating how personalities can emerge at such a young age. Nupur is an “easier” baby than Angad – she sleeps for me, god, remember how I used to call Angad “Awakey Pants”? – and she’s much more stubborn and assertive and less distracted by shiny things when she’s after a prize.

The best part is watching the two of them interact. Angad is impossibly, heartbreakingly careful with Nupur, and completely besotted by her. He comes up with a million nicknames for her and gives her hugs and kisses all the time. And on her part, she only has eyes – and giggles and coos – for him. I could try all day to get one halfhearted gurgle from this girl… and all Angad has to do is walk into the room for her to start squealing happily at him.

Angad is three-and-three-quarters years old, and ever since Nupur was born, he seems very grown up in comparison. We have proper, functional, mutually educative conversations. We can tell him “go get dressed for outside play” and he’ll do it. He outruns me, outjumps me, outlasts me in every physical and mental endeavour. Sometimes this makes me forget he’s really a little kid…

… but not for long, because every few minutes he will pull some spectacularly weird shit, usually pertaining to one of this current obsessions. Right now, said obsessions include:

  • Timers. Angad has access to four: the oven timer, the microwave timer, the stopwatch in my phone, and an online countdown timer we’ve got bookmarked in the browser for him. Thanks to this impressive arsenal, not a minute of our day goes untimed. He times the washing machine, my dinner prep (20 minutes, by his decree, but I cheat), episodes of Dora the Explorer, my showers (10 minutes, no cheating), and most obsessively of all he sets my phone timer several times a day (I keep turning it off to conserve battery) to alert him to…
  • Twilight. Not Edward-and-Bella Twilight, thank god, but the real after-sunset-before-dark hour. One evening last year he noticed suddenly that it was neither dark nor light out, and found it hysterically funny. He rolled around the kitchen floor laughing and shouting “Is it morning? NOOOOOO! Is it night? NOOOOOOOO! Hahahahaha!” I told him it was called twilight. And ever since then he looks forward to twilight like regular kids look forward to their birthdays. The weirdest side effect of this obsession is that I am now just intrinsically aware of how many hours it is to the next twilight at any given moment of the day, because he keeps asking me in order to set the goddamn timer.
  • The dishwasher. Angad loves our new dishwasher so much that he still remembers with great affection the plumber who came over to install it eight months ago – that is a fifth of this child’s entire life. He throws tantrums if he isn’t the one to open the dishwasher at the end of a cycle, he’s got rituals where he drags his dad to show him which buttons lit up when the cycle was complete, and it’s all he talks about when grandparents call these days. A couple of weeks ago we were in Sears and happened to pass by a model very similar to ours on the shop floor. Angad immediately noticed that some of the buttons were in the “wrong” spot, and proceeded to shout about it to me and the salespeople and anybody in the store who would let themselves be dragged to see dishwashers, laughing hysterically the whole time. Two days later he dreamt that the buttons on our dishwasher had also moved around, and told me about it breathlessly in the morning… the very first time he has told me about a dream.

And me? After all the ups and downs of first-time motherhood, and all the anticipation of how much harder things would be with two kids instead of one, I just wasn’t prepared for this: the state of having absolutely nothing to complain about.

The combination of Angad being old enough to practically fend for himself while still being too young for the trials of school, and Nupur being such an easy baby, and us being “seasoned” parents is making for an almost picture-perfect experience of parenting these days.

Aisa bhi hota hai!

(PS: This is post #555! On Fruit Ninja this would get me a 50-point bonus. )

In Cyber Limbo

10 Jan
Everybody else is on WordPress and I’m feeling kind of left out… or rather, left behind.

(Is it just me or is Google seriously beginning to rot? I HATE the new blogger interface and will do anything to escape it. And also I want comment threading – which, it’s 2012 Google,  get with the times already!)


So I’m trying to migrate to WordPress. Where the UI is completely insane, I cannot find anything, and I just spent five minutes clicking around to figure out how to change my user name from the random long string of chars they gave me (“g4-

9f672867f5c595admf0a746ff21da758″ I kid you not) – don’t even ask me how because I do not know, only to be told “Nandini’s Niche” is taken – WHAT THE SHIT IS THIS.

Bear with me while I grapple with the importing and the uploading and the domain remapping and the end of yet another bloody era. I am too old, y’all.

Thoughts on A Life in Clothes

4 Jan
Last week after I won that award I began to read all the other winning entires. And then I began following the links from those entries to read other articles, stories, confessionals, and manifestas, hundreds of pages of women (and a few men) bearing witness to the realities of women’s lives. I’ve come away feeling humbled, and inspired.

One read in particular stands out.

A mother and blogger calling herself Vidyut writes a stunning five-part series of articles titled “A Life in Clothes”. This is a memoir chronicling her life so far as a rebellious child in an abusive home, as a teenager dropping out of school to get into a disastrous marriage, then as a divorcee mountaineering instructor and nomad reinventing herself over and over to “learn” each new place she is forced to move to because of social approbation, and finally to now as a city dwelling mom remarried to another abusive man.

Photo © Vidyut

It’s so interesting to note what exactly people consider to be her “failures”, and the exact source of all her struggles. This basic source takes many forms: it is her father forcing modest clothes on her all through her childhood with violence and even now through adulthood with trickery; it is her many “friends” freezing her out simply because they don’t know how to interact with a divorcee; it is the varied cast of the men in her life who cannot cope with her strength and talent without feeling emasculated; it is her two mothers-in-law who insist that she make her peace with ‘a woman’s lot’ even though they agree their sons are abusive. But the source of all this is one and the same: an all powerful patriarchy boxing women into subhuman containers marked “daughter” and “wife” and “mother” with never a thought given to her humanity.

Just imagine this story taking place in a westerm country. Would Vidyut even cause anyone to bat a single solitary eyelash? A three year old running around naked in the house? Cute! A high school dropout? That’s someone who needs help and second chances! A divorcee? What a quaint word to describe someone completely normal. A mountain climber and horse breeder? What a catch she would be for the most eligible bachelors!

In America, Vidyut’s life would be almost boring. In India, it is a monumental struggle.

The thing I find beyond amazing is that all of this reads like a success story. And in context, it is! Against all her overwhelming odds, she emerges wise and strong and powerful, more in control of her own life than any of the other women or even men who surround her. Imagine that. This is a woman stuck in an abusive marriage. How far has Indian society fallen that this is the best we have to offer someone like her?

I’ve been trying for a long time to find the words to show exactly why feminism is “still” so necessary. Now I don’t need to. Read about Vidyut, and you’ll see for yourself.

Tejaswee Rao Blogging Award

26 Dec
I just WON a Tejaswee Rao Blogging Award, and I didn’t even know I was nominated! Thank you, IHM and the community at IHM’s blog, for this wonderful honor. I’m also in the running for a cash prize which I intend to donate to if I win.

[Obligatory SQUEEEEEEEEEE break OMG OMG I won my first blogging award!]

Ahem.

The post for which I won the award (Biology vs. Culture: DEATHMATCH) got me thinking. I’ve quite stopped blogging about feminism here, haven’t I? It’s intentional. And it’s been hard. It’s one of the main reasons why I haven’t been blogging very much, because I so often want to and then I think … oh, don’t want to blog feminism again. 

The reason is both ugly and stupid.

Any non-anonymous feminist blogger faces loads of vocal opposition from real-life folks who think feminism is passe or unnecessary or whiny or annoying or strident. It can often get personal: people whose opinions and friendships I value have asked me, “But why are YOU complaining so much when your life is filled with almost too much equality!” And of course my life is positively bursting with privilege so it’s churlish to respond “it is NOT”, and continue blogging as if they never said anything, even if they were completely wrong on many levels to say what they said. It’s so hard to be labeled a bitch by real-life friends! How does anybody navigate that?

That’s the ugly part.

The stupid part is where I censor myself and stop blogging just because some readers responded in a less-than-totally-thrilled fashion. Boo, hiss, get blogging, Nandini, and stop worrying about the critics. Right? I should get that tattooed on the back of my hand so it’s staring at me whenever I start to type.

Oooor I could just look at the shiny new blog award I got, and the seriously awesome post which I got the award for, and use them as both bitch-shield and inspiration to blog a lot more.

In conclusion, I would like to thank the Academy…

I’ve Been Drawing.

16 Dec
There. That dispenses with the formality of explaining why I’ve been gone so long quite succintly, even if not accurately (I’ve been doing many other things besides, but this post is not about them).

So. Drawing!

I read about this book called Drawing on the Right Side of the Brain on a blog that I now forget. The blogger insisted she’d gone from drawing stick figures to stuff resembling Actual Art ™ after going through this book. This sounded somewhat promising, but I was still apprehensive since even stick figure drawing has always eluded me. I mean, I can draw a stick dude just standing there, sure, but make him move? Or sit? Or wear a hat? I’d fail a test that required me to copy XKCD strips accurately.

Okay, I can see you guys don’t believe me. This is why I have come prepared.

The first chapter of the book made me do a few “pre-instruction” drawings. One of the assignments was DRAW A PERSON. Any person. And this was my response (that thing that looks like a five year old’s picture of a generic girl, yes, that one… actually, scratch that, my three year old niece actually makes better drawings than this). I began by copying off a magazine ad but gave up very soon because it was just too hard. This detail is important because…

Compare that drawing with this – a copy of Picasso’s line drawing of Stravinsky, I made just a couple of pages later. The drawing isn’t perfect obviously, but it is (to me) almost miraculous in the increased complexity. I got shirt folds! And crossed fingers! And a truly passable resemblance to the drawing I was copying. I didn’t give up in frustration, even though just ten minutes ago I had done exactly that with a similar task.

And the trick with which this miracle was accomplished was so very simple. That brilliant book instructed me to turn Picasso’s drawing upside down, and just copy the lines without thinking about what the lines were supposed to represent.

This is a huge deal. It’s a key that unlocks so many seemingly unpassable barriers to drawing: if you think you want to draw a finger, then your brain forces you to use your personal symbol for “finger”, probably determined when you were 5 or 6 years old, which looks nothing like a real finger. But if you just say you want to draw these bunch of lines right there at the end of your hand, and then you draw them, fingers just … appear.

So NEAT.

Here’s a before and after of my hand. The before is not exactly before. It was done after I drew Stravinsky above, so it’s a little better than my “OMG A Person” before-drawing. The after is also not exactly “after”, since I was only about 90 pages into the book when I did it.

After I drew that hand I just gazed and gazed at it for minutes on end. I still can’t believe that came out of the end of MY pencil.

But that hand is nothing, nothing, compared to what I drew this past Wednesday. I’m about 120 pages into the book, mind, less than halfway through it. But I think this is pretty freaking AWESOME, do you not think so?

I present to you my crowning glory thus far: a partial copy of Rubin’s “Study of Arms and Legs”. Viola!

Look at that girl up there. Then look at these legs. Look at that girl again. And now look at these legs again. The legs are now diamonds.

Oh, man, if I ever get done gazing at these legs in self-congratulation, I might get back to the book and learn a bit more about drawing. Meanwhile, it’s good to be back in the blogosphere! 

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