Re-reproduction Accomplished!

19 Jul

Everybody else is doing it, so why not me?

Taking a quick snooze right before her afternoon nap

That’s Nupur, folks. She was born on July 7th at 4:27 PM. Soon after birth, she cried briefly and went to sleep, and we have been waiting for her to wake up ever since. She totally puts the zzzzzzzzzzzzzzz in lazy. She doesn’t cry so much as screw her face up and threaten to scream, and then half the time changes her mind about protesting the soggy diaper in order to go right back to sleep. They say she opened her eyes once, but nobody can confirm this incident first-hand. Verily she is the daughter of mine own flesh.

My firstborn is taking her arrival very well indeed, so far. He thinks she’s cute and too tiny. Also we have drummed it into him that she is very fragile and breakable, so he is endearingly gentle with her.

Sneaking kisses to baby sister

And that’s what’s going on with me. How’re you all doing?

This is what a war looks like

18 Feb
I’m watching in slack-jawed awe as U.S. lawmakers wage non-stop war against women. Here’s a quick roundup of the assaults from just this last month

Feb 18, 2011: The House votes to ban all funding for Planned Parenthood. Planned Parenthood is already prevented by federal law from using federal dollars for abortion services. This amendment takes away the money they use to provide family planning, birth control, medical and preventive services, including cancer screenings.

Feb 18, 2011: Proposed GOP spending bill would cut approximately $1 billion worth of welfare, birth control, family services, healthcare and other benefits from women and their families.

Feb 17, 2011: Texas Senate passes law requiring all abortion-seeking women to first get an ultrasound. This is in addition to the 24 hour waiting period and “medical information” spiels (anti-abortion propaganda) already mandatory for abortion seekers.

Feb 16, 2011: Republican officials in Maryland cut funding for the Head Start, a daycare program for children of low-income families, saying that women should get married and stay home with kids instead. Huh?

Feb 15, 2011: South Dakota Republicans table a bill that would make murder of abortion doctors legal.

Feb 9, 2011: GOP backs massive tax increase to deter abortion coverage by private insurers. Private insurers. Massive tax increase. GOP.

Feb 9, 2011: Republican lawmakers in Ohio unveil legislation that would ban abortions of any fetus found to have a heartbeat. Fetal heartbeats develop between 2.5 weeks and 6 weeks after conception, before most women even realise they are pregnant. The move would therefore effectively ban almost all abortions.

Feb 7, 2011: Georgian lawmakers proposes relabeling all victims of rape, domestic violence and stalking as “accusers” rather than “victims” until the accused is convicted. Victims of all other, less gendered crimes such as assault, fraud, burglary, etc. would remain “victims”. 

Feb 3, 2011: GOP introduces revised HR 358 bill which lets ER doctors and hospitals refuse life-saving treatments to pregnant women if the treatment may harm the fetus. Ironically dubbed the “Protect Life Act”, it seems oblivious to the fact that if pregnant women are refused life-saving treatments, the fetus dies with them.

Feb 2, 2011: Republicans stop health insurance coverage of birth control. Every dollar spent on birth control is shown to save ~$2.10 in welfare spending.

Jan 27, 2011: Arkansas is poised to ban private insurance coverage of abortions, requiring women to purchase additional special “abortion rider”policies if they think they might need an abortion someday. These special plans are not offered by any insurance provider in the state.

Jan 26, 2011: Kansas Republicans introduce a bill that would require girls under the age of 18 to receive the explicit consent of both parents before seeking an abortion. In the event of family sexual abuse, the girl women will still need the approval of one parent.

Jan 25, 2011: Sen. Roger Wicker (R-MI) proposes the “Life at Conception Act” bill, which seeks to define human life as beginning at the moment of conception and terminate abortion rights created by Roe v. Wade.

Jan 24, 2011: Idaho upholds the right of pharmacists to deny any medication to women whom they suspect of having had an abortion sometime in the past, even if the medication causes no harm to any fetus past or present, and even if the medication is potentially life-saving.

Jan 21, 2011: GOP introduces HR 3, the “No Taxpayer Funding For Abortion Act”, intended to codify the Hyde Amendment already in effect since 1976 which denies federal funding for abortions except in cases of rape and incest. The bill redefines rape of poor women to mean only violent “forcible” rape, excluding previously eligible victims of date rape, statutory rape, and other presumably nonobjectionable forms of not-really-rape.

Jan 20, 2011: GOP proposes a $318 million annual spending cut from Title X Family Planning, a figure that represents the program’s entire budget as of 2009 (2010 figures unavailable). Title X is the only federal grant program dedicated solely to providing low-income individuals with comprehensive family planning and related preventive health services. It does not fund abortions.

The really interesting thing to emerge is a nice summary of the Republican platform: fuck poor people.

Birth control should not be affordable. Abortion should not be accessible – failing that, it should not be affordable. Childcare should not be affordable. Women should not work outside the home. And also, poor families should not get welfare benefits of any sort. Fuck poor people.

I’m pretty disgusted with the world right now.

Out of the mouths of babes…

29 Jan

This guy over here on the left, he’s Israel Kamakawiwoʻole, IZ to his fans, a sublime Hawaiian singer most famous for his totally hippie rendition of a medley of Somewhere Over the Rainbow / What a Wonderful World. I can’t find the medley itself on YouTube or anywhere, how weird is that.

Angad loves this guy, always wants to skip to the Iz songs at the end of his YouTube playlist.

Yesterday I was overdue for some me-time so I decided to put on this playlist and stick the kid in front of the computer for a good hour. The minute the first song comes on, this is what I hear:

Angad: Ammaaa, Ammaaa, I don’t want this song, I want Somewhene Oven the Nainbow!

Me: (pretending not to understand, coz I’m evil like that) You mean this Judy Garland version? Here you go sweetie.

Angad: Nooooo, nooooo, the UNCLE song! I want Uncle to sing it!

Me: Which uncle? Bembi*-uncle? He doesn’t sing this song! (*bembi = belly-button. Angad is obsessed with belly buttons, goes wild at the sight of one. He’s always absolutely transfixed by Aamir Khan’s bembi all through Hai Guzaarish. Hence the monicker “bembi-uncle”.)

Angad: No no no, I want the “oooooooo” Uncle.

Me: What do you mean, the “ooooo” Uncle?!

Angad: He says “oooooo” and then he sings Somewhene Oven the Nainbow and then he leaves his guitar in the grass like a bad boy and then there’s a biiiiigggg water and then he says “oooh aah aah”.

It struck me at this point how awesome it is that to Angad, size is not the stand-out thing about Iz. He didn’t think to describe Iz by his statuesque build at all, but instead confined himself purely to what Iz does and says and what happens in that music video.

Isn’t that just darling?

For the first time in my life I understood why people wax lyrical about “innocence”, and I found myself wanting to preserve the non-worldly-wiseness of my sweet little boy, protect him from this corrupt world…

But “wooby momma bear” is an unstable state of existence for me. Very soon my heavy nucleus emitted some alpha particles (or maybe it was methane) and I decayed into my usual self.

Now all I wanted to do was find out if Angad even realized that IZ was fat. Did this 2 year old brain see the fat and find it unremarkable, or did he just not notice it? So I began to subject him to some delicate psychological research.

Me: Angu, Angu, tell me, is that Uncle’s hair long like Amma’s or short like Angu’s?

Angad: Uncle’s hair is long like Amma’s!

Me: And is that Uncle’s tummy big like Amma’s*** or small like Angu’s? (***Am I making an announcement? Yes, I do believe I am…)

Angad: Uncle has a big tummy! Yes!

Me: And what about Uncle’s bum? Is it big or small?

Angad: It’s biiiiiiiiig! Like Amma’s bum!

Me: OI!!

Angad: Yes, Uncle has a big big bum, just like Amma’s bum.

Me: Objection! This is an outrage! Order in the court!

Angad: Amma has a biiiig bum, Uncle has a biiiig bum. Same-same.  Matching-matching.

Wait. It occurred to me that there might yet be hope. What if this crazy kid thinks all adults’ bums are big? They are big compared to his own after all. That must be it.

Me: Angad, tell me, is Baba’s bum also big like Uncle’s?

Angad: No, Baba has a small bum!

Me: WHUT. Wait, let’s see if you understand relative sizes. Is Amma’s bum more big or Baba’s bum more big?

Angad:  Amma’s bum is more big. (And I can almost hear him say DUH at the end of that sentence.)

Me: You snotty little bastard. OK, is Amma’s bum more big or is that Uncle’s bum more big?

Angad: *Thinks*

Me: THIS IS NOT A DIFFICULT QUESTION GODDAMMIT.

Angad: Amma and Uncle same-same. Both bums are big.

If I’m arrested for toddlericide in the near future let it be known that I had excellent reasons for doing it.

Spark

13 Jan

Someday when I’m a big name famous writer with millions in sales and millions more in the bank, people are going to annoy the hell out of me by asking me two hundred times a week the single most FAQ when people talk to writers: where do you get your inspiration? I think the smart thing to do is to prepare for the contingency now by blogging it all out, so when the time comes I can just hand out this link, snap my fingers, and say “Next!”

The answer is short and simple: I get inspired almost exclusively when I see, read or hear awesome stuff.

Does you guys have the same experience? It’s practically impossible for me to take a walk down the street and come back itchng to write. Not even if I lived somewhere ridiculously picturesque, I don’t think, since I hardly ever get Inspired!!! on vacations. Doing stuff doesn’t make me want to write either. It’s rarely that I’m hang-gliding and at the same time dying to get back to my desk to write about it, you know? (Not that I’ve ever actually hang-glid. It’s still on the bucket list.) And while my thoughts do turn to writing when things begin to go to pot around me, I doubt that can be counted as inspiration… it’s more of a coping mechanism.

But put on a brilliant movie (Trikaal, Fargo, Ishqiya) and I’d be hitting pause to SQUEE and WRITE and THEORIZE about it every two seconds if it wasn’t for fear of never getting to finish the movie now when you factor in Angad-related interruptions in addition and also fear of Saurabh throttling me. I read a mindblowing book (Rebecca, The Bonfire of the Vanities, A Doll’s House) and it spawns thousands of words of my own original fiction. If anybody ever plays Dil To Bachchha Hai Ji around me I am guaranteed to feel that telltale tickle in my fingers… the song makes words just come pouring out.

A few years ago I read a – it was fanfic, ok? You’d think this would be embarrassing to admit, but it isn’t, because that’s how perfect it was. It’s a Harry Potter 7th year fanfic that was written before the release of Deathly Hallows, The Crux Of The Matter, and oh my god it just grabbed me and refused to let go. Everything I’ve written since is an attempt to live up to it. I want to fall down on my knees and shout GODDAMN whenever I think of it; it’s nothing short of a religious experience. In the months after I read that one fanfiction novel, I wrote furiously and fast and even managed to make a submission. It even got published. For actual money. I still can’t get that fic out of my head. I have it printed out, pages of it sitting at my desk gathering dust mostly, but just looking at it is enough to remind me about why writing is so worthwhile.

Now don’t get me wrong, I’m not equating inspiration with the fan experience. I will go fannishly wild over all kinds of things all the time, but only some will make me want to write. For instance, my love of P.G. Wodehouse or Pulp Fiction or any number of truly sublime works of art is legendary, but damned if it makes me want to write. Some things I’m happy just admiring, others light the spark in my head that makes me go I want to do something like that! NOW!

I know if I can recreate a tenth of the spark in me, why, that’s my definition of success. That’s inspiration.

What do you think, people? What inspires you?

Book Review: Past Midnight

12 Nov


Got an ARC of Past Midnight by Mara Purnhagen straight from Harlequin YA Paranormal, and I must say I was very pleasantly surprised by its quality and readability.

Charlotte Silver is the oft-overlooked younger sister in a family of ghost hunters. This is less weird than it sounds. Charlotte’s parents do not actually believe in ghosts, they’re more interested in disproving claims of hauntings while being unable to explain away a couple of strange “energy patterns” they’ve come across in their career.

Anyway, Charlotte happens to trigger some actual, somewhat malevolent sleeping ghosties during a filming session with her parents and older sister. The haunting begins in earnest as Charlotte begins to have cryptic dreams about a girl from the past century, and sinister thuds and thumps and thrown furniture begin to hammer in the ghostly message: find the dead girl, and somehow reunite her with her even deader parents.

And meanwhile Charlotte copes with starting her senior year at a new high school where a mysterious tragedy occurred last year, a new friend with big secrets, a fight with her older and much more glamorous sister, the bitchy rival in the AV club and the cute boy also in the AV club… Standard fare for your typical YA novel, very deftly handled.

The book’s weakness lies in its very-vanilla themes and storyline: nothing big is at stake, nobody is evil, no one’s life is risked and very little happens in the climax. YA books these days tend to push the envelope when it comes to dark themes and high stakes – for example, Sarah Rees Brennan’s “The Demon’s Lexicon” is in a completely different league compared to this. Perhaps it’s not always necessary to go dark and dangerous to be a good book, but the low conflict level in this one did detract from my ability to care what happens to Charlotte. I always knew she would be fine.

Then again, the book is what it is. Light reading is just as legitimate as.. er, dark reading?

The book’s strength is definitely in its solid narrative skills and likeable cast of characters. I can see why there will be two more books about Charlotte Silver. Recommended for younger teens.

4/5 stars!

The Theory Of The Warring Siblings

10 Nov

For years I’ve had a theory that economic and social conservatism actually do go hand in hand, in accordance with popular belief and contrary to the claims of libertarians.

I used to be enchanted with libertarianism, whose major draw was an obvious-sounding take on economics without the mess and fuss of religion, sexism, xenophobia, racism etc. I’ve since found out that the movers and shakers of the real world libertarian movement do indeed muck in and enjoy the mess and fuss of all that I wanted to escape, but that is besides the point. In theory Libertarianism’s draw was that it was socially liberal while being economically conservative.

Economic conservatism is really a rather appealing philosophy. It is, at its core, a very optimistic theory, one that has scads of faith in the innate awesomeness of human ingenuity and survival skills. Leave people alone, it says, no rules no schmools, just room for people to work, create and build unhampered by meaningless regulations or crippling taxation, and we will CONQUER THE UNIVERSE! YEAH! There is a lot of fist-pumping and cheering, inspirational speeches and lavish celebrations of success. Very like a football game in that way. It is exhilarating to be a true believer.

Economic liberalism is the sad and mopey sister of this studly jock. But what about the losers, she whines. One cannot be anything but sad and mopey when losers are one’s constant preoccupation. Studly jock wants to brush this aside with airy cliches like “failure is but a stepping stone to success” and “if at first you don’t succeed, try again!” But economic liberals know life is not a football game. The losers aren’t going to end up with an empty spot in their trophy shelves, they’re going to end up dead of exposure and starvation and disease. (Verily this economic liberalism sister is the killer of all lighthearted jokey analogies.)

The studly jock espouses a certain brand of dog-eat-dogginess in the realm of the marketplace. He wants the survival of the fittest in the economic sphere. He not only celebrates the victorious, but also the death of the inefficient, the unprofitable, the slow.

Now, some economic conservatives might fool themselves that fitness in the marketplace is determined by talent and hard work, but the sad and mopey sister knows for a fact that’s not true. Fitness in the marketplace is determined mostly by luck: if you were you born in the right country, in the right neighbourhood, with the right skin colour, with a penis, without deformities, with a well-functioning brain, to the sort of family that values its children and values education and believes in giving kids a step up in life instead of letting them wallow, then you pretty much have it made. Without ever factoring in your talent or hard work, you’ve reached a level that most people struggle their whole lives never even glimpsing: your basic survival is guaranteed and your path to additional success is clear.

Most people, though, are born the wrong colour or the wrong gender or in a Somalian slum or without hands, and chances are they’ll never even get to look at the marketplace, let alone participate in it. All they will ever be is grist for the market mill.

There is no room in the marketplace for the disabled or the stupid or those erroneously percieved to be disabled and/or stupid (women, minority races, poor people). There isn’t even any room in the marketplace for those who are unpopular with the “fittest” i.e. luckiest (queer folk, most foreigners, ugly or deformed people).

It’s hard to get into business when VCs and banks and clients and customers implicitly mistrust you, whether for tribal reasons like ohnoes look at your skin colour it’s so much darker than mine, or insecurities like ohnoes a man wearing a dress halp my masculinity is in question, or because they think you’re going to take their money and then quit to do stupid womanly things like having and raising babies, which everyone knows is the most useless activity ever – can we see the next applicant please?

No, there’s little room on the “free” market for these very troublesome types of people, who become impoverished, dependent, and yes, even a little bit degenerate sometimes because life without hope can do that to people.

~ sniffles can be heard in the audience as the mopey sister pauses dramatically ~

Here comes the question at the heart of my theory: what do you suppose happens to the lucky ones, the “fittest” ones, when they see the perpetual “failure” of the “losers” who are unable to thrive in the FAIR! BALANCED! FREE! marketplace?

They begin to believe that they are inherently superior to the degenerate losers. They become racists.

They begin to believe that women are only good for having sex with and popping out future workers, and do not belong in the marketplace, and while they’re home they might as well cook meals and wash dishes, right? They become sexists.

They notice how the successful members of the marketplace look and behave exactly like they do, and their affinity for conformity becomes even more entrenched. They become xenophobes, and they develop rigid social codes of behaviour which serves as an elaborate secret handshake into the inner circles.

The best among them begin to question the callousness, brutality and immorality of the free market, and seek to correct it by forming private organisations to encourage morality and charitability. They invent religions.

The marketplace has given these people money. Money is power – the power to enforce these beliefs on the rest of the population, the power to repeat these beliefs often enough and loudly enough to brainwash the rest of the population into believing them too.

The cycle is complete. Economic conservatism has resulted in social conservatism.

Post Written On The Eve Of My 29th Birthday

9 Nov


Yeah, I didn’t actually drop off the face of the earth. Hi. :)

What, I’m not going to get off that easy? *sigh* What do you want from me, an explanation? I’ll give you an explanation! I was busy, OK? I have a life. And a kid. And this hulking house that just sits and gathers dirt and generally descends into chaos every 16 hours. My vegetable patch died, and I was traumatised for weeks. It’s COLD out, and it gets dark at 6 PM and that makes me too depressed to blog. I threw two parties, you know how much work that is? Plus, I ate too much Halloween candy and then my sugar levels just crashed after a couple of hours of running about hyper, and crashes are not conducive to blogging. And then yesterday Angad stomped on my typing finger. See?

… Okay, I’m sorry, and I have no excuse. Mockingbird I’m looking at you as I say this because I know you poked me MONTHS ago.

I’ll try to make up for it, though, because I have a fantastic lineup – yes, an actual lineup for the first time in my blogging career, preplanning FTW – of posts coming to you over the course of the month. but indulge me a bit longer before the making-up starts, because I’m in a bit of a maudlin mood… and I was just thinking this year has been a pretty good year for me. Especially compared to the last.

Nov 2008-Nov 2009, I swear, may have been the worst year of my life. I mean, Angad went through his adorable babyhood during it like a giant ball of pure awesome, so consider how horrific the rest of it was to make it to the bottom of my list. I learned a huge lesson from that year, though, and it is a lesson that can be condensed into just one instruction, a five word sentence. It is GOLD if I say so myself. This is the kind of wisdom you only get by climbing up the Himalayas naked and pleasing a skanky rishi up top. Are you ready for it?

Never. Have. A. First. Child.

Skip straight to second or third, folks. By then you’ll be seasoned pros, too tough to be fazed by little things like your entire life turning upside down. So you can enjoy your baby without turning into a psychopath every even-numbered day of the month. Just skip on past all the crazy expectations of a smooth transition into parenthood, all the earth-shaking fights with your husband over the exact tone of voice he used when he told you the baby might need feeding, all the WTF DID HE JUST EAT THE EDGE OF HIS BLANKET moments… and go straight to the blessed comforts of peace, perspective, and a zen attitude (if he eats it, it’s edible). I told you this was gold.

Anyway, after that pretty much any old year would have been fine but Nov 2009-Nov 2010 really has been rather awesome.

We moved into our new house, got settled in, bought big furniture, met some great neighbors and have happily walked to restaurants and bakeries and movies and grocery stores all year. That is unimaginable luxury in suburban America. We’ve learned to cope with home ownership, everything from ignoring the inevitable spiders, to maintaining a narrow footpath free of clutter all through a 2000+sq ft home with a toddler running about leaving trails of destruction in his wake, to raking massive heaps of acorns and leaves from our backyard come the fall.

We’ve become gardeners, planting beautiful tulips and daffodils that bloomed this past spring and will bloom once again the next. We even planted a tiny vegetable patch, which we learned a lot from though it wasn’t much of a success. (Except for the habaneros – does anybody know what to do with eighty jillion of these impossibly fiery peppers??? HALP!)

We took a trip to India, had a blast, and went to my famous cousin’s dhamaka wedding. We hosted my inlaws on a month-long visit during Angad’s birthday and it went swimmingly because (a) I did not make a raving fool of myself, and (b) they were awesome enough to forget some of our past misadventures.

Saurabh and I watched Buffy, all 7 seasons of her, starting in February and finishing in July, and loved every bit of it. I got a job. Made some super-awesome friends. Then I lost the bloody job but the friends have remained, and they were the best part of the job deal anyway so suck on that, RR!

I also learned how to drive! And got my driver’s license! That was huge, ok. Then back in August I started dieting and exercising a bit, and even lost a liiiittle weight. Halloween made me gain it all back but that still counts. (Yes it does.)

This was the year that Angad started talking properly and learned a ridiculous number of very important and difficult things such as how not pee in his pants and the whole uppercase and lowercase alphabet and the names, biographies, vital statistics and character traits of every vehicle ever to appear on Thomas The Tank Engine. Watching him grow makes me squeeeeeee.

Pretty good year. So the last of my crazy twenties has a lot to live up to, but you know me. Optimistic to a fault.

Happy birthday to me!


I finished writing this post a little after midnight, but I had yet to do the linkage and picspamming… and I was thwarted in my attempt as aforementioned awesome friends showed up at my door with cake and presents just then. How’s that for a great start to the year? :)

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